Really?

My ex-husband is sleeping on my couch tonight. I feel violated. I don't want him here, but I'm a true avoider. I'm also not as much of a bitch as I wish I was. I don't want to hurt him. His life(if that's what you wanna call it) is lame. He knows in his heart of hearts his presence is infuriating, but after nearly 15 years, he knows I will just internally fester. He will be gone when we wake. He's too hammered now.

Really!? How I am I letting this happen?

Not my problem his roommates are having a party! Go somewhere.. Anywhere!

He has nobody and nowhere else to go. How pathetic. What in the world has that alcohol done to his brain?

So in my room with my pooch and my one child, waiting for morning.So, thought....such a moron...

As if he's brain dead..I'm just about to doze off, he comes in and says he can't breathe and is going home! Yes! Vibed him out!... Ha! 

Will I drive him home in his car and walk back? .. No, really.. he asks this!! So because I want him out.. I take him. He berades me the whole time. I'm not compassionate; I'm mean...blah blah blah blah blah.  Such a dick. Negative; complaining; piece of shit. 

My days

Trying isn't working. Busting my ass isn't working. Swallowing my pride isn't working. Total transparency isn't working. It's all spiraling out of control and I need to take the one day I have off, to take a hard look at just what in the fuck is going on. If I have too many more days like I had the past two weeks, I will need  mental health intervention. Lack of sleep; minimal confidants; numerous bills looming; mortified that I haven't been able to do this by myself....
My best conjecture is to try and regroup---rapidly. I'm out of options.